I am pretty embarrassed by my car; it’s old, has a bunch of scratches and missing hubcaps, a lot of things inside, like the dome light, no longer work, and it has something like 140k miles on it. When I bought it several years ago, it wasn’t even great then, but it was cheap and only meant to last me a couple of years until I bought something better. I am buying something better this year, but in the mean time, in my old car, I now only get radio, no CD or MP3 player.
So I change the stations around a lot, and I’ve noticed that for some odd reason, the Florence and the Machine song “Dog Days Are Over” is played on a lot of stations, even ones that you wouldn’t assume.
So I have it stuck in my head tonight, and I find it kind of fitting.
It’s not that I would categorize past days as “the dog days” per se, but a relationship that dragged on far longer than it should have just ended. Part of me is incredibly sad, and I definitely don’t think of time spent with that person negatively. But I do feel optimistic in knowing that the future will be an improvement.
I do know now that for too long I tricked myself into believing someone could make me happy when he couldn’t. And that’s where the “dog days” part comes in; I spent a lot of time kidding myself into think that things were ideal, that the future would be better, that he would make changes.
It seems like the cliche “be true to yourself” would apply here, but I don’t know that anyone ever really knows what that means. In fact, sometimes I think that making mistakes and letting yourself learn lessons the hard way is what it means to be true to yourself. The truth part comes in when you take an honest look at the situation and realize that it didn’t go the way that you wanted, but that is okay. Accept what went wrong and forgive yourself for your mistakes. It’s really hard for people to forgive themselves. I think it is much easier to forgive someone else, but if we can grant that generosity and love to ourselves, then maybe it opens us up give more and to love more.
And it’s that thought that gives me so much peace, and makes me want to dance cheerfully.