I’ve started to fall behind on my weekly blogging, and it’s time to catch up, now!
I think a lot of it has to do with a general feeling of “blah” lately. It’s typical this time of year, though not because of Valentine’s Day or anything. I think it is because every year, at the beginning of the year, I get so excited about the adventures that will be coming up, and I start setting the wheels into motion, and then come mid-February, reality starts to sink in. That is definitely the case this year, at least. And it isn’t even anything major that is keeping me down, either. I am just disappointed that I might have to postpone some of my big plans– paying off the last of my debt, getting a new car, going away for a long weekend– for just a month or two thanks to taxes and a hectic schedule. In the grand scheme of things, that is nothing to be disappointed about. But from a whiny, cranky perspective, that all makes me want to stamp my feet and pout.
I’ve also had a mild headache for about a week now. I suspect that I have been grinding my teeth in my sleep, which tells me that I am tense lately and need to chill out. Except that I can’t pinpoint anything specific that is making me this way; it’s just this strange mood that has been lurking around and filling me with dread. I run through things in my head that usually make me uneasy: finances? Not really: owing a lot on taxes this year blows, but I know I will be able to come up with the money. Relationships? There were some rough days when it comes to one person in particular, but my attitude on that has changed for the better and things seem to be alright. Classes I teach? Not so much. My students are all making this semester really enjoyable. I teach one section of a class that has always been challenging for me– a basic skills class in the evening– but that one is surprising me by how well it is going this time around. Perhaps I have just not settled into a rhythm with all of the behind the scenes stuff with teaching?
But I think the problem is more about not having anything specific to be looking forward to right now. All of the exciting things seem to be beyond a hurdle, and for a couple of months I need to be disciplined and focused. Usually, that would excite me because I love a good challenge, and sometimes the structure involved with having to be disciplined is comforting.
So maybe it really is just the cranky 4 year old inside of me stamping my foot, pouting and whining “But that’s not fuuunnn! I don’t wanna!” All I know is that she better get over it quickly, because these tension headaches are starting to wear on me!